I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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