Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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