wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
