Betty ford says i'm here all night
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
