also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
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Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
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Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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