I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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