Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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