i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
