You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Blood and glitter go together right?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
