Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
