If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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