i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
