OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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