Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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