yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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