I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize