would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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