Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
