I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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