HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
nutella sex= disaster
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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