No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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