Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
