you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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