I cockslap morals
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
