Got a toothbrush?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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