What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
