I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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