hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
