Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
