that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
