i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
