Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize