none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
