I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
