Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize