i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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