Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
