tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Randomize
