brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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