I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
