I'm lost and stupid without you.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Randomize
