on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
