hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
