maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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