i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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