hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
