3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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