If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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