4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
