Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
