remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
