If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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