Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
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He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
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Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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