Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
