I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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