I want to stick my p in your. b.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
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I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
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The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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