Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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