You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
