I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
