im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
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She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
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Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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