Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
